It’s almost time for….

THE SUPER BOWL

And since the Detroit Lions aren’t playing (just you wait till next year), I will not be painting my face, dying my hair, and setting a couch on fire in the street. I can focus my attention on more controversial things. Like what to serve at the 2-person party I will be attending in my own house.

If I were going to an actual party, I would bring something I could eat. Some people have enough will power to resist eating chips, chili, cheese, and beer without any “replacement food.” They take parties or social outings as an opportunity to practice intermittent fasting.

I am not one of those people. I need compliant replacement food, or I will cave. Know thyself.

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Rainbow Fries

There’s something about salted deep fried potatoes that goes well with…everything. And Americans love French fries about as much as we love football. That is to say, a lot. According to the FDA, the average American eats 29 pounds of French fries every year. Of course, we lectin-enlightened folk are not the average American, but we can still have our potatoes and eat them too, if they’re the right kinds!

Disclaimer: these are not “replacement French fries.” They taste different, and that’s the point. However, if you are faced with a platter of reheated, deep fried potatoes or a platter of these, my hope is that the aesthetically pleasing colors and starchy texture will be enough to entice you to choose the right thing (that would be the Rainbow fries).

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What You’ll Need

I know…they don’t quite look like a rainbow yet. The outside of root vegetables is about as appealing as dirt (har har). These are the three root vegetables you’ll need for this colorful dish:

Sweet Potatoes

Get the orange ones (sometimes called yams), not the white ones. We want the deep orange for our colorful root vegetable trio.

Yuca Roots

Not every grocery store carries yuca root, but if they do, you’ll find them near the tropical fruits and vegetables–think star fruit, mangoes, papayas. They can be anywhere from a few inches to a few feet  long, and the outside looks like brown tree bark. If your store doesn’t carry yuca root, you could substitute parsnips.

Purple Carrots

Purple carrots aren’t as sweet as their orange counterparts, and they have a gorgeous color, once peeled. Be forewarned: your hands/clothes may stain purple when working with these. Since purple carrots are somewhat of a novelty, you may be more likely to find purple sweet potatoes, which will work just as well.

Peel & Season Those Colorful Roots

When you start peeling, you’ll see the beautiful inner cores of these root vegetables. You may be surprised to find that your purple carrots have an orange core (which makes them even cooler, obviously). Once peeled, toss them with oil, granulated garlic, salt, and pepper, then spread them out between 2 preheated baking sheets.

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Tips for Getting Crispy Fries

I’m not always the greatest at following my own advice, but I’ve made enough oven fries in my lifetime to know what strategies yield crispy golden fries. Do the following, and you’ll have the best chance of getting

Cut Evenly

This one requires the most time and precision, which is why I sometimes skip it and lament my laziness later when some fries are burnt and others are soft. The more evenly sized your fries are, the more likely they are to crisp up. Use the biggest, sharpest knife you have to make prisms of perfection.

Shake to Coat

Place the raw fries in a bag with the seasonings, and shake until all the fries are evenly coated. Then toss with the oil.

Preheat the Pan

Setting fries on a cold pan and sticking it into the oven is a recipe for soft fries. Preheat the pan first, quickly place the fries, and get it back in the oven.

Make Breathing Room

Each fry needs its own space to “breathe.” If other fries are crowding it, the oven heat will not evenly distribute, and that fry will not get its fair chance to crisp. Give your fries a chance!

Make an Awesome Dip

If all else fails, and your fries came out soggy, your redemption is in the dip. My all-time favorite dip requires two ingredients: sour cream and mustard. It’s delicious and so dang simple, you can probably forget to make it and find these two ingredients in your host’s fridge.

The Recipe

Ingredients

• 4 purple carrots, peeled, halved, and quartered lengthwise
• 2 medium yuca roots, peeled, and cut into 1/4-inch thick strips
• 2 medium sweet potatoes, peeled and cut into 1/4-inch thick strips
• 3 tablespoons extra-virgin olive oil
• 2 teaspoons granulated garlic
• 2 teaspoons sea salt
• black pepper
• 3/4 cup full fat sour cream
• 3 tablespoons grainy mustard

Directions

PLACE two baking sheets on the top and bottom thirds of oven, and preheat to 450 degrees F.

TOSS the carrots, yuca, and sweet potatoes with the olive oil, granulated garlic, salt, and several grinds of black pepper. Divide between the preheated baking sheets.

BAKE until crisp and golden, rotating the baking sheets from top to bottom and tossing the fries halfway through, for a total bake time of 20 minutes.

MEANWHILE, mix the sour cream, mustard, and a generous grinding of pepper in a small bowl.

TRANSFER the fries to a serving platter, and serve with mustard dip.

Printable Recipe