Plant Paradox Phase 1: Salad for Breakfast, Lunch, and Dinner
The first phase of the Plant Paradox Program (PPP) involves a “cleanse” that kickstarts the feeding of the good gut bacteria with three days of awesomeness for your gut and three days of horribleness for your taste buds.
I’ve heard of these infamous cleanses before–people drinking nothing but lemon juice and cayenne pepper, people fasting and drinking nothing but water for two weeks (this is impossible). I have predetermined that cleanses are stupid, and I am not a fan.
Ugh, but I’m gonna do this one. All in, right? It involves eating like 6 different kinds of lettuce for three days, along with a few ounces of protein and half my body weight in avocados and lemon juice.
Meal 1: The Green Smoothie
This is…uh, interesting? Actually, I was expecting to have to plug my nose and chug it down. (Update: I had to do this by the third day) The recipe is:
1 cup of chopped romaine lettuce
1/2 cup baby spinach
1 mint spring (sic, I think they mean sprig–I don’t know what the hell a mint spring is)
1/2 avocado (surprise, surprise)
4 tablespoons lemon juice (gasp!)
3-6 drops stevia extract (I recommend 4 drops)
1/4 cup ice cubes
1 cup tap water
WHAT COULD BE BETTER THAN GROUND UP SALAD.
It wasn’t too bad. The mint and lemon juice really mask the taste of salad water, so if you close your eyes and use your imagination, it’s like you’re drinking really thick lemon-mint iced tea.
I chased this smoothie up with some coffee. I don’t know if coffee is off limits for this thing, but my desperation for a warm, caffeinated beverage after eating nothing but salad for breakfast prevented me from scouring the list of rules.
I didn’t immediately feel a sensation of good health wash over me after drinking this, which was disappointing, but expected. After three days of this thing, I’m considering skipping the digestive tract altogether and trying intravenous injection. As it was, I endured heartburn and stomach pain for the rest of day 1. According to Dr. Gundry, these are symptoms from withdrawal of being a sugar and carb addict–to which I no-longer-blissfully admit.
Also, I’m hungry all. the. time. Eating half a dozen avocados a day is apparently supposed to make me feel full, but I ain’t feelin’ it. It’s a good thing I’m doing this on my days off work.